eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
