So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I have feelings that need drinking.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
