I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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