well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You made out with two different species that night
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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