After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
