Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
