How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
