I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
