My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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