At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
