Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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