im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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