he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
