Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
