its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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