her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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