halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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