I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
