once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
