didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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