What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Who died my cat blue again?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
