did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
