In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Two words: nipple clamps
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