I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
