You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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