can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
mondays should just be called national damage control day
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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