Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
