I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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