I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
