Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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