It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize