her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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