you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Randomize