My nipple is on Facebook.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
My vagina just recognized that song.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I party with great urgency now.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
