Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
pop tarts are not kleenex
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
