Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
