I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
