You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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