I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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