I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
