cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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