She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
