It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
