And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
