I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
