He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I AM VODKA MAN
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
