is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You've changed since you got that strap on
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize