There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
