i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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