Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
My hand turned me down
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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