I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
