He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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