I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize