By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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