WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize