The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
