look no pants
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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