I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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