I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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