So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
