ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
