You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
