Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
time to smoke my breakfast
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
